In his book “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, Steven R. Covey stated that “most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Mr. Covey could not be more right. Often as people we are far more interested in what we have to say than what anyone else is trying to express. Even worse, often we project our own “autobiography” on others as we try to solve their problems.
Have you ever felt like your doctor or dentist just didn’t listen? I hate to admit it, but people with letters after their name, like me, can really struggle when it comes to listening to patients. Once in a while, when I walk into an exam I am convinced I already know what the problem is and I am tempted to spout off with my diagnosis even before asking why the patient has come to my office in the first place. Sometimes my education gets the best of me and I forget to just listen.
Just last week I was reminded of the art of listening when a family member of mine came in to my office in considerable pain. She claimed that for the past month multiple teeth on the left side of her mouth were constantly throbbing. She pointed out which teeth hurt and what caused the pain. I looked at the past dental work and judged that everything had been done correctly. I then asked again for her to describe for me when her teeth hurt and finally ‘heard’ what her problem was. I checked her bite and realized that her teeth were not aligned properly. After a couple of quick adjustments, she had instant pain relief. I was the ‘tooth whisperer’.
What gave me success in this example? You guessed it… I listened to what she described. I did not make any prejudgments. I did not lay my own life experiences upon her. I desired to truly understand.
Mr. Covey offered some great advice in his book. Unfortunately I can forget to listen with the intent to understand, from time to time. But when I get it right and meet the needs of my patients we have a mutually satisfying experience. Hopefully all of us can desire to listen with the intent to understand, not just reply.